I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
