Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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