Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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