Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
