"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
