I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
