You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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