it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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