girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
