this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
