Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
