he thought i was a dude.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
