I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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