I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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