So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He shit in the fireplace
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
