Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
