hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize