They should really pass out barf bags in church
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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