The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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