you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
