i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
