the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
