ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
