I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
