Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
