theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize