i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can you bring me the toilet please
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
