Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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