What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
