My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
