he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
