She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
