And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
