I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize