I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She announced her abortion via fbk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
