I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Boobs are out for the taking
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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