Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
