i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
