I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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