I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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