Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
