eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
