What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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