I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
