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ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
as a side note pls kill me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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