took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize