He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
