I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
