coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
