just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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