woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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