im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
