We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
