my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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