I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
