last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
