Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
