I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
