Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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