what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
