I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
