i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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