If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh god it's open bar.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
