so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
