LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
