Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
