Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
