U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
