I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize