I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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