You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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