Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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